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Why people do not change?
There are two principles of human behaviour:
- Principle 1: People do not change.
- Principle 2: If someone has done something the same way for many years, he/she will be extremely adverse to change, which is moot since Principle 1 still applies.
A famous saying is 'You can take people out of the gutter but you can't take the gutter out of the people'. I find this saying true for 99% of people. It seems once people pass their early teenage years, they remain the same person for the rest of their life. People prefer to die rather than change their habits. For example people live unhealthy lifestyles despite being fully informed of the consequences.
The important point to understand is that people's behavior is not the result of spur of the moment decisions or whims. They are the cumulative sum of four sources:
- Their experiences since birth
- The experiences of their immediate family
- The experiences of the larger community they belong to
- The experiences of generations of people who have influenced the members of their community.
So when a person behaves a certain way, there are thousands of years of evolution behind their actions. You can not simply say they are being stupid or ignorant for behaving the way they do. Put yourself in their shoes for their lifetime and you would do the same.
Consequently, people are not going to change drastically because someone who has not earned their trust or respect tells them to. You have to undo their deep-rooted beliefs one by one to get them back to the basics again. The deeper you dig, the more you will find that each of their behaviours was set in place for a legitimate reason. To undo it will require changing the factors and circumstances that initially spurred each change. So simply changing ideology or rhetoric is not going to change people.
It is a lot of work which is why most give up and naively conclude that people can not change. The words of Charles Darwin in 1859 in his On The Origin of Species are just as relevant to "nurture" as they are to "nature":
" When we no longer look at an organic being as a savage looks at a ship, as at something wholly beyond his comprehension; when we regard every production of nature as one which had a history; when we contemplate every complex structure and instinct as the summing up of many contrivances, each useful to the possessor, nearly in the same as when we look at any great mechanical invention as the summing of the labour, the experience, the reason, and even the blunders of numerous workmen; when we thus view each organic being, how far more interesting, I speak from experience, will the study of natural history become! "
Eminent surgeon, Dr. Atul Gawande, uses the metaphor of a tumor to illustrate how society easily grows complacent to any incremental pain.
As a surgeon, I've seen some pretty large tumors. I've excised fist-size thyroid cancers from people's necks and abdominal masses bigger than your head. When I do, this is what almost invariably happens: the anesthesiologist puts the patient to sleep, the nurse unsnaps the gown, everyone takes a sharp breath, and someone blurts out, " How could someone let that thing get so huge? " .
Too often, by the time a patient finally seeks help, I can't help much.
We are adaptable creatures, and while that is generally good, sometimes it's a problem. We have no difficulty taking prompt action when faced with a sudden calamity, like a bleeding head wound, say, or a terrorist attack. But we are not good at moving against the creeping, more insidious threats . whether a slow-growing tumor, waistline or debt.
It's as true of societies as of individuals. We did not muster the will to reform our long-broken banking system, for example, until it actually collapsed in the Great Depression.
This is, in a nutshell, the trouble with our health care crisis. Our health care system has eroded badly, but it has not collapsed. So we do nothing.
Another metaphor for society's inability to change is the frog syndrome. Part urban legend, the frog syndrome refers to how a frog will let itself be boiled to death if left in cold water with the temperature only gradully being increased.
How to change people
" The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment " - T. H. White
There are hree ways to change people
- Lead by example. Practice what you preach. Walk the talk. You get the point!
- Show genuine empathy and understanding of people situations. Criticizing them only makes them dig their heels in harder. If you can empathize with them, that puts them in a good mood to listen to what you have to say
- Encourage people as you see them make incremental improvements to their lives
" I have long believed that it is unnecessary to understand others, individuals or nationalities; one must, at the very least, simply tolerate others. Tolerance can lead to respect and, finally, to love. No one can ever really understand anyone else, but you can love them or at least accept them. " Jim Haynes